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[Sat, September 23rd, 2006 @ 12:17am]
does everyone have those friends that just use you for information/something to do?
haha they suck balls. and everyone's found you out bitch.
Reply 2 Comment Memories Edit

[Wed, September 20th, 2006 @ 11:49am]
hi. long time since a real update.

2 girls in my school killed in 2 days. needless to say it's been a pretty hard week so far. i didn't really know the girl named elsa, but the way in which she died was horrible. it was not needed. she didn't need to leave us.

then emily. oh goodness. emily cornish. i'll miss that girl forever and ever. the way she walked around the school smiling and waving at every person who'd pass her. the way she could brighten up your mood even if you didn't know her. i'll always remember how quickly she came into my life, and how fast she left it. she would always wear the coolest shoes, and tell me how much she loved my lame ones. just like 3 days before she died, she told me how seh liked my hair better red than blonde. she was alive. she was alive and then her life was taken. by a drunk driver. she didn't deserve that. they say she was sleeping when it happend, that she didnt' feel any pain. we can only hope as much is true.

so we went to her wake last night. my whole school was there. emily would have loved seeing everyone together over one cause. that's what she was always trying to do. help people, bring them together. in fact the night before she passed, she was at a darfur protest or something. if that doesn't explain what she wanted, i don't know what does.

i didn't cry the whole time we were inside. not even when i looked down on her beautiful face and said a prayer. not even when one of her family members made a speech. i wanted to be strong. i kept reminding myself emily wouldn't want anyone to cry. i kept reminding myself she's in a better place now. but of course, as soon as we walked outside, it all came out when dylan hugged me. i geuss you need to release it, or else there's never really any closure.

thank god for people in my life like dylan. i needed him in order to be able to let everything release. i love him.

anyways, just keep emily and elsa in your prayers. even if you didn't know them, they still deserve it.
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[Sat, September 16th, 2006 @ 5:28pm]
scratch that.
i only miss you when i need to be picked up.
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[Wed, September 13th, 2006 @ 10:36pm]
i miss you sometimes.
only sometimes though.
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[Thu, August 31st, 2006 @ 12:45pm]

1. Free
2. SS with Kennedy
3. Math with Viswanathan
4. English with Johnsmeyer
5. Chem with Downing
6. Gym/Lab/Free
7. Free S1 / Psychology S2
8. Free S2 / Advanced Writing S2

haha wow lots of frees.
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[Fri, August 25th, 2006 @ 5:59pm]

so much for the on top of the world feeling.
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[Fri, August 25th, 2006 @ 1:08am]
do you ever get that feeling where you're just completely filled with love + affection. that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be recieving those two things, but have you ever just felt filled? full. full of something good. even full of hope. just full. it feels good to be full. but then like slowly but surely something happens to keep poking holes into your bag full of love affection and hope. and then those 3 REALLY really important things start to leak out. and then you're empty again. i hate that feeling. really bad.

but so far nothing has poked me. i still do feel full, satiated. but i just dread the hill going down. cause nothing hurts worse than your heart and soul leaking out of your body, or draining out. whatever you wanna call it.

you can't live on top of the world forever.
+ i can't seem to enjoy my time while up here.

EDIT:Those who never hurt are either very lucky or very lonely.
that sums it up.
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[Tue, August 22nd, 2006 @ 7:36pm]
JUNIOR SCHED. (subject to change)

1. Spanish 4 with Antonucci
2. Social Sudies with Kennedy
3. Math B1 with Viswanathan
4. English 11H with Johnsmeyer
5. Chem with Downing
6. Gym (but not during swim season, aka fall.)
7. Free
8. Advanced Writing with Calhoun
9. Chorus
Reply 7 Comment Memories Edit

[Tue, August 8th, 2006 @ 5:01pm]
A drink for one is never fun
A sip deadens the pain
She's sick of games and learning names
She puts her black book away
She scans the place for a friendly face
Suddenly everything has changed
He took a chance on romance without knowing her name

So he moved in on a whim
And now her house is their home
She forgets the days of the drunken haze
And waiting by the phone
They lie in bed with nothing said
As she gently falls asleep
He thinks about how life would be if they didn't meet

The doctor and the DJ took it all in stride
I hope she knows that she'll make a beautiful bride

It's funny how life can change at the drop of a dime
All it takes is a little faith that everything is fine
So I raise my glass to better times
I'm glad that I didn't miss my chance to see and end to misery

The doctor and the DJ took it all in stride
I hope she knows that she'll make a beautiful bride

anyways. i'm going on vacation tomorrrrrow! i'm so freaking excited. you all should be jealous because you don't have a boyfriend who's cool enough and loves you enough to invite you on vacation with him. =]
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[Sat, August 5th, 2006 @ 11:18am]
i wish i could post a picture of my new hair. but i don't have a camera and yeah so i can't.
=[ sorry children.

welp i'm really excited because i'm going on vacation with my boyfriend and one our friends on wednesday =] yeah new hampshire!!

i really have no use for this anymore.
holly's coming over.
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[Fri, July 28th, 2006 @ 10:11pm]
it seems i have just ended my week on a good note. except for one major thing that i will list in the end.

1. my uncle came over + got my ipod to work. funny how the fucking apple idiots took 4 hours to tell me the ipods defective? and my uncle does it in literally 20 minutes. "oh you just needed to update your usb port protection and unlock the blahblah." right. he's the genius of the family. we all love him for that.

2. I DIED MY HAIR RED. yeah and this time it's red. i'm always like yeah i died it red but no, this time it is red. like red. it's semi permanent cause i wasn't sure if i'd like it buti do so i think before school starts i'll do it again. it's supposed to last 2-3 months. =] that makes me happy.

3. id on't know what's going on with the piercings. i think i might just go and get a tattoo with my mom and not tell my grandparents. get it on my neck behind my hair. maybe my foot possibly and just not wear sandles around them. whatever. i'm kinda looking forward to a tattoo.

4. i'm starting a memior. i have A LOT to work with.

but dylan left. he went to the adirondaks with our friend sean and his family. i miss him so much. it's weird. i didn't really miss him today but like we usually hang out EVERY night. after football. but he's gone. and i know i won't be able to talk to him tonight. he already called me and told me his cell doesn't work and everyone else is asleep except him and sean since they had been driving all day so he can't use the house phone later. =[ rawr. and i kinda yelled at him before he told em taht sio i feel extra guilty. but he left me a goodnight message that i'll listen to when i go to sleep =].

wow long update. rawr.
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[Thu, July 27th, 2006 @ 11:41am]
so i've been having a pretty shitty week.

1. i cannot find any tattoo parlor that pierces noses with a needle and not a gun. a gun will most likely leave a scar.
2. if i get my nose pierced, my grandparents won't help me pay for a car.
3. i'm sick.
4. i bought an ipod. it doesn't work. i had an appt with a mac genius and he was an idiot. i spent in total 4 hours on the phone with apple support. fuck them. i'm returning it and buying a music player from another company.
5. there is no food in my house. i'm starving.

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[Sat, July 22nd, 2006 @ 7:50pm]
i'm getting my nose pierced tomorrow =]
question-> does it matter what side i get it done on?
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[Fri, July 21st, 2006 @ 11:59pm]
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[Sat, July 15th, 2006 @ 1:06am]
so. it's saturday already. and it's been a good summer so far.
it's weird that i feel comfortable writing in this stupid thing knowing that the whole world can read it. maybe i'm looking for attention.
actually, i'm pretty sure i'm looking for someone who can relate to me.
and there's not very many people who can.

there's not many 16 year old girls out there who have been with their boyfriend for 2 years. without breaking up or cheating or many fights.

so that means there's not many people who can be like, "oh, i know what you're giong through" when you do get in fights. or when you do feel on the verge of tears and you don't know why.

is it wrong to expect someone to change over 2 years?
is it wrong to expect just a little change? cause i'm not asking for a drastic personality change. i just wanna be held more.
and "played" with less.

i wanna be kissed a little more.
and make out a little less.

i wanna roll over and have a surprise message waiting for me on my phone.
i want some kind of sweet surprise.

is that wrong?
because it feels wrong whenever i try to say it.
it feels like i'm asking him to change who he is.
but i'm not.

or am i?
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[Thu, July 6th, 2006 @ 2:30pm]

and it makes me self concious 24/7.
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[Wed, July 5th, 2006 @ 12:24pm]
so last night i had my 4th of july/birthday party and it was really fun. pretty much everyone who i invited came and it was a good turn out. =]\
like 20ish people about.

=] summer's grrrrrrreat.

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[Sat, June 24th, 2006 @ 6:15pm]
so i'm going on vacation tomorrow to williamsberg virgina with my dad and brothers. this should be interesting.

we're hitting a theme park almost every day =]
i'm excited.

sunday-thursday no work for alex.
but as soon as i get back, i'm working 10-8 friday and saturday.
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[Thu, June 22nd, 2006 @ 1:13am]
AWESOME first night of summer.
it could've only been better if one more person was there, dster.

oh well.
mike and neil met alexa and i at the mall, and after some shopping we headed over to sarahs. the amazing peter and liz frank were there and soon later, bj and andrew came =].

hella fantastic =].
the summer crew has been formed.
minus sadie and emily.
because they're deffinitly in it too.
cause they're hot.
and i like them.
actually love them.
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[Sat, June 17th, 2006 @ 11:40pm]
i've been so irritable lately. it's like insane. dylan says i just need a nap. he's probably right.


like for real.
sort of.

i'm never talking about anyone ever again, because god forbid i actually might love that person at the end of the night when i realize what a bitch i have been and how stupid i have been to push you away. i want you back in my life. i want you to be the person who might be ditzy and flakey at times, but still has my back no matter what. and if someone tries to beat you up again like they said they were gonna in like the beginign of freshman year, i'll have your back again. again and again and again. when i talked to you on the phone tonight, it felt like we havn't been apart at all. we talked about the latest books to the latest annoyances. i miss you. BE MY BEST FRIEND AGAIN!
i know i don't have to ask.
you said it yourself. "what's that like the third person to try and split us apart? it's never gonna happen alex, when are they gonna realize that?"
YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND. no matter how much blonder you act than me. =]
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